Happy New Year - 2013

Happy New Year everyone! I do hope each of you have had a wonderful holiday season.

I have a question for you.

What would you think about people in a retail store who were trying on new coats and were looking for a full-length mirror? Finding one, they didn’t like what they saw and began to say very loudly, “What’s wrong with this mirror? You’d think in a store like this they’d have decent mirrors! Harrumphh!”

That’s exactly what AA teaches me not to do when I meet people that irritate or anger me. Learning the tools of the 4^th/5^th Step and the 10^th Step, I have learned through much trial and error to first ask what is going on in me that is triggering this resentment/irritation/anger. How am I contributing to these non-serene reactions? A Course in Miracles (ACIM) teaches the same concepts in a different way. “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.” Other people and how I respond/react to them is seeing myself in a mirror. Depending on whether or not I blame the mirror will determine how I either find or lose myself.

But over and over I find myself still blaming the mirror and the store management  for my upset. It is always an inside job. To stop blaming the mirror takes work on my part. Introspection on my part. “Mind training,” as ACIM calls it. However, if I do that, just a little, and ask the Holy Spirit to help me find another way of perceiving the situation/person/event He will always do so. However, I must refuse to listen to the louder, egoic voices in my head (what I call “my shitty committee”) and concentrate on hearing the quiet whispers of God.

Work.

Discipline.

Practice.

Mind Training.

If I can work and practice a little more in disciplining my mind, my thoughts, my speech, and my writings, then perhaps I will be allowing my light to shine a little brighter in 2013 than I did in 2012. Perhaps you can, too.

It is such a shame that fear mongering and defining those that have a different political perspective as “evil” seems to have become such an integral part of our political process. So, I do hope that 2013 brings the beginnings of the new era, as the Mayans predicted – the beginnings of an Age of Cooperation rather than Competition, Inclusion rather than Exclusion, Acceptance and Tolerance rather than Self-Righteous Arrogance, the Power of Love rather than the Love of Power.

In light of the terrible carnage that happened at the elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, I think a good beginning for cooperation would be enacting some legislation about gun safety and addressing our societal culture of violence. It’s the basis for so many of our children’s “toys” and seems to be the method of choice for resolving any conflict. Violence breeds violence; justice breeds peace.

If we can work and practice a little more in disciplining our minds and speech, then maybe we will be allowing our collective light to shine a little brighter in 2013. Perhaps that will encourage the new era we are entering. A better world for us all.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#5 December, 2012

Copyright, 2012

The Message of Christmas: A Holy Encounter – Part 2

Merry Christmas and Happy Chanukah everyone! I do hope each of you have a wonderful holiday season.

Last week I discussed an AA truism, “If you spot it you got it,” a sentiment very similar to an adage in the November/December 2012 Holy Encounter magazine published by the ACIM Miracle Distribution Center: “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself” – A Course in Miracles.

Last week I discussed several examples of these truths in terms of Christmas as the birth of a transformation and Chanukah as the celebration of spiritual Light.  Today, as another example, we can simply look at the Christmas story in the New Testament. When we examine the story of Jesus’ birth in the accounts in Matthew and Luke (mostly symbolic and contradictory) we can see this truism being played out.  

The Shepherds: They heard this commotion in the heavens, heard an angelic chorus singing praises, and heard an angel commanding them to go to a manger and worship the newborn Messiah. They went, told Joseph and Mary what had happened to them, and left. They were amazed and excited. They returned – presumably to their pasturing flocks.

Joseph and Mary: They appeared on the scene, birthed the babe, and listened to the shepherds tell them that the Angel of the Lord said this was the Messiah. Mary pondered their comments. They left to go hide out in Egypt for perhaps 12 years. Then they, following information in a dream, returned not to Bethlehem but to Nazareth, where Joseph established his carpentry trade.

The Magi: They were Eastern/Persian/Zoroastrians/Hindu/Buddhist (?) astronomers or astrologers who could read the heavens like the back of their hand. They knew the sign of the Star was very significant – perhaps pointing to a new beginning for humankind. They left home with gifts and followed the star. They stopped (out of respect or courtesy?) to visit Herod and his court. Herod asked them to pay homage to the child and report back to him so he could go, as well. They saw the child, marveled, and then they were warned not to go back to Herod, so they didn’t. They left. We have no idea what they did after all the time, effort, and expense they had undergone.

Herod and the leaders of the Jewish Sanhedrin: Here are the leaders of the Faith. They are the most knowledgeable and sophisticated of the Jews. After the visit of the Eastern wise men, they pored over scriptural scrolls and found an obscure reference in Micah that pointed to the small town of Bethlehem as the birthplace of the Messiah. So, why didn’t Herod and his court go there (especially since there was this huge star in the sky over Bethlehem only about 5-6 miles away) and pay their respects? They didn’t. Instead their thinking led them to the conclusion that this birth was a threat to their power and prestige. They began to plot against this threat.

Each of the participants in the Christmas drama (including Matthew and Luke, themselves) had a different perception based on their thinking. They projected those perceptions onto the Christ Child and believed, not in Him, but in their own created projections of Him.

I would have thought that all this commotion around Bethlehem would have caught someone’s attention. I mean it’s not every day that a chorus of angels is singing over a pastoral landscape, while a terribly bright star is hovering overhead and strange, wealthy Eastern Potentates and their entourage of camels, assistants, and slaves is wandering around the little town. But apparently that caused no severe response or reaction among the common folk. For the shepherds, Joseph and Mary, and the Magi this seemed to be a pretty ho-hum event. Joseph and Mary weren’t really impressed with their new son until they had Jesus circumcised and took him to Jerusalem to be presented to the Lord.  There a respected man, Simeon, and a prophetess, Anna, made a real fuss over the lad. That is what filled Joseph and Mary with wonder.

For Herod it was a life-and-death struggle for his throne. He responded with an edict to kill all male children under the age of two. Although this action is not supported in the historical record, it is referred to in tradition as the Murder of Innocents.

As beautiful a story it is, it’s all perception. It’s not reality. Only the Holy Spirit can change your perception if you truly want it and ask for it – If you are truly willing.

As I wrote last week, I still don’t understand where my willingness comes from. But, I believe my willingness to really want something else, because my life just wasn’t working anymore, was my Higher Power working behind the scenes. He conceived in me hope and openness once again, just like it happened in a manger two millennia ago. Voila, my transformation has begun. A life is being reborn as God-in-Me. The power of Love has triumphed once again over my egoism. Another error has been corrected, and I know my ego-error will have to be corrected again….  and again…. and again.

Christmas morning didn’t happen only once – a long time ago in history. Neither did Chanukah. They continue to happen in my life all the time.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#4 December, 2012

Copyright, 2012

The Message of Christmas: A Holy Encounter – Part 1

From an adage in the November/December 2012 Holy Encounter magazine published by the Miracle Distribution Center: “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.” A Course in Miracles.

In AA I was taught the same thing through the brief saying: “If you spot it you got it.” I learned this as a warning or wake-up call whenever I was called out for taking someone’s inventory, i.e., criticizing someone by observing all the things I saw as un-good along with offering suggestions as to how they could/should/ought to work the Program more constructively. I was always surprised when my friends in the Fellowship would tell me I was taking his/her inventory, trying to control their lives, and reminding me that if it (whatever “it” was) was really bothering me, then “If you’ve spotted it you got it.”

“When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter.…As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself.” If I don’t like someone because I think they’re too arrogant, then I’m hiding my arrogance from myself. If I think someone’s too pushy, then I’m hiding my pushiness from myself. I watch someone state and pursue their self-interest and I become very critical of them. But when I stop and really think about it, I am merely jealous that they’re doing what I can’t/won’t – but want to. I’m still all hung up on being confused between being selfish and loving myself. I project my envy onto that person in the form of anger, criticism, and self-righteously condemning their pettiness.

I have to always keep the focus inside me otherwise I’ll keep believing that my perception of “reality” is really true and real. When I do that, I’m lost in the morass of my Egoic thinking. I do things I do not want to do. I say things I don’t really want to say. My serenity is out the window. It’s my Ego – plain and simple – and my ego will try to distract me (each time) from coming to the conclusion that I am my problem.

ACIM states it very simply: “You are never upset for the reason you think.”

To convince me my perception is really real I’ll find myself whispering to me: “But what about Hitler and rapists and serial killers? They are bad people aren’t they? My opinion of them isn’t just mine. It’s everyone’s. So, what I see as true is true for me! Isn’t it? “

Bong goes the gong – wrong!

I have to quit letting my ego distract me with hypothetical evils that are “out there.” Yes, people in error do some very awful things. But me? I need to deal instead with the grocery store clerk that irritated me, or the driver that cut me off, or my spouse that seemingly just isn’t listening to me, which upsets me. That’s what I need to focus on – not Adolf and rapists.

It’s all perception! It’s not reality. My perception is no more correct than yours. We are all in error. Not bad or good, but in error. The Holy Spirit can correct error if I ask and if I listen to what He says and do it. These are hard truths to swallow, I know. But … the alternative is a lack of serenity, lack of peace, lack of acceptance, lack of love. Lack of… God-in-Me/Us (which is the meaning of “Emmanuel”).

From A Course in Miracles, TXT 4.III.7,... “You retain thousands of little scraps of fear that prevent the Holy One from entering. Light cannot penetrate through the walls you make to block it, and it is unwilling to destroy what you have made. No one can see through a wall, but I (Jesus) can step around it. Watch your mind for scraps of fear, or you will be unable to ask me to do so…. I will never forsake you anymore than God will, but I must wait as long as you choose to forsake yourself. I will wait in love and not in impatience, you will surely ask me truly.”

I forsook myself for almost 20 years, as I continued to drink, until I finally said, with no conditions attached, “I can’t do this anymore.”  That was my bottom. Things began to fall into place, I began getting some help, and within several months I was in AA. [As it relates to the early, missing years of the Gospels, I tell my story in Chapter 9 of my book, How the Bible became the Bible.]

I still don’t understand where my willingness comes from. But, I believe my willingness to really want something else, because my life just wasn’t working anymore, was my Higher Power working behind the scenes. He conceived in me hope and openness once again, just like it happened in a manger two millennia ago. Voila, my transformation has begun. A life is being reborn as God-in-Me. The power of Love has triumphed once again over my egoism. Another error has been corrected, and I know my ego-error will have to be corrected again….  and again…. and again.

With all my heart I believe Christmas morning didn’t happen only once – a long time ago in history. It continues to happen in my life all the time.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#3 December, 2012

Copyright, 2012

Atonement, Forgiveness, and Me

About 3 years into my recovery, I ran across a great little book by Earnie Larsen entitled Stage II Recovery – Life Beyond Addiction (Harper & Row, 1985). In it he had this wonderful quote (page 30) that I thought was right on the money. I have never forgotten it. “What you live with you learn. What you learn you practice. What you practice you become. What you become has consequences.” Later, he also wrote a companion book called Stage II Relationships that was also very helpful to me.

But his quote is such a simple and profound truism for me. It explained so much about my life and all my failed relationships. I remember when I did my 5^th Step with my sponsor, a major portion of which was trying to dissect all these unsatisfactory relationships. Ken asked me what I thought the common denominator was to all these relationships. I thought for a while and began reciting common physical similarities in the women with whom I was smitten: Kissable lips, pouty mouths, short and stacked, pretty and sensual. He kept shaking his head. Then I went to the emotional similarities: Rather needy, modestly insecure, wanting to be dominated in bed, thrilled at my spontaneity (which I had planned), and so on.

“No!” My sponsor told me. “The common denominator throughout all your relationships has been you.”

I cannot really remember, but I believe I replied with something absolutely profound. I think what I said was “Duuhh. Oooohhh. Yeah.”

What I had become had had consequences resulting in my failed relationships. What I had become had had consequences in all the glorious trips to my Pity Pot that led to a series of very demeaning (especially to my children) decisions, That led, eventually, to an increase in my drinking, that allowed my drinking to get out of control, that finally ended with my abject fear of the agony of alcohol withdrawal – whose only “fix” was more alcohol. It was the vicious cycle of addiction.

How did I begin turning my life around 25 years ago? Well, I didn’t actually. Working AA’s suggested program of recovery took care of that. Doing what I was told, I didn’t drink, I went to meetings, I got a sponsor, I shared, I prayed, I worked the Steps, I did service work. In short, I began practicing all sorts of new behaviors. So, with the considerable help and guidance of AA, I had begun reversing Larsen’s quote: What I lived with I learned. What I was learning in the Program I was beginning to try to practice on a daily basis. What I was now practicing was changing who I was becoming. What I was now becoming was beginning to have new (and better) consequences.

That process is still underway and will stay underway until my body stops breathing.

This is not rocket science. However, the most difficult issue for me was a 4 or 5-year period after several years of sobriety when my new practices were becoming more “natural.” I found I was no longer who I was, but I had not yet become who I was going to be. I was in a “no man’s land.” In between – for me it was a horrible place of confusion, frustration, anxiety and disappointment.

Throughout this same 4-5 years, a second, complicating issue for me was my confounding expectations. I just couldn’t help it. My steel-trap of a mind would begin anticipating that my getting better would result in X. When X didn’t materialize I would be frustrated, angry, and bitter – so much so that the benefits that were happening to me as a result of my “becoming” someone better went unrecognized.

I remember thinking about one of the promises made in Chapter Six of the Big Book while discussing the 9^th Step: “We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.” When was this intuition going to happen to me? I had imagined (code name: Expectations) that I would suddenly be able to spout great wisdom in my company’s conference rooms while discussing sticky complications with clients, or I would be able to handle delicate issues within my relationships with women or with my immediate family. When I mentioned this frustration to my sponsor, he reminded me that quite often I had shared in meetings that, in doing nothing, most of my “baffling situations” seemed to dissolve all by themselves. “Well, that’s right,” I replied. He asked: “Wasn’t that ‘…intuitively knowing how to handle situations?’” Again, my profound response: “Duuhh. Oooohhh. Yeah.”

This 20 year-old continuing process of reversing Larsen’s adage has been taken to a whole new level with my involvement in A Course in Miracles (ACIM). It is a very similar message to AA’s, but on a very spiritual level. While AA has taught me (and supported, accepted and nurtured me) to grow as a responsible human being in society, ACIM has taught me that my true nature is a spirit. Although I am currently a human in a body (and AA is still helping me be a more responsible one), I am really an already-loved spirit, currently having a dreamlike human experience, and I am destined to play a significant role in the Atonement by continually forgiving myself and others. By constantly forgiving I am allowing my light to shine. The Holy Spirit does the rest.

This profound reality of ACIM has led me to offer these weekly posts I share with you. These posts keep the reality of my on-going transformation very vivid for me, which also keeps the Now of the Christmas Gospel in my focus.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#2 December, 2012

Copyright, 2012

Willing To Be Willing

I was recently reminded of how important it is to be willing to be willing. I had been asked whether or not the AA’s common approach to getting rid of resentments really worked. Since no one can speak for The Program, I could only answer for myself. My answer? A resounding “Yes!”

What is this common approach?

When I found myself sharing resentments I had toward a former boss – having bad dreams, experiencing continuing anger/frustration about what “might have been” if it weren’t for this boss, and so on, old-timers in the Program taught me that to continue to harbor resentments like these was like taking poison in order to hurt someone else. It didn’t work and if I wasn’t very careful, I’d drink again.

“What do I do?” I finally asked.

“Pray for him and his happiness.”

“What!”

“Get down on your knees and pray for him.”

“You’re kiddin,’ right?”

“Nope. Pray for him. Thirty days. Pray for him.”

So, after several weeks, I did.

My first prayer was something like this – and I’m not exaggerating: “Dear Lord, I don’t like what this is all about and don’t know how to ask You to do something I don’t want, but make the S.O.B. happy.”

The language in my prayers began to soften during the ensuing weeks, ending up with prayers that were variations of: “Lord, I trust You to help him and his family have a happy, joyful life together. Amen.”

I did that for a month. It worked! What I found was similar to my experience of the lifting of my compulsion to drink. I had sort of thought there would be a thunder clap when that compulsion left me. There wasn’t. I never even recognized it until a woman (who came into the Program shortly after me) was asking the group when her compulsion would leave. Suddenly, I realized I couldn’t remember when I had last felt that compulsion. When did it leave? I don’t know. It was … just … gone.

It was the same with this resentment: I was no longer angry – just saddened. I can’t tell you when that shift happened and it doesn’t matter. What matters is the shift. I can deal with “sad” and maintain my serenity. That’s not true of anger. Anger makes me want to drink. Even after 25 years it still can. I can handle being saddened.

However, the key for me to open this door was to be willing. I guess I really didn’t want my boss to be happy. I wanted him to suffer. I really didn’t want it, even if it made me miserable. It took me several weeks before I took the old-timers advice to pray for my old boss.

It doesn’t take me several weeks any more.

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) states a similar truth: All I need to do is be willing to ask the Holy Spirit for a new way of perceiving a situation or person. All I need to do is really want to perceive with vision rather than with sight. In short, I just need to be willing. Willing to ask the Holy Spirit and willing to listen for His voice.

However, I have found that many irritating issues and people still bother me because I am really not willing to let go. Apparently, I truly want to have the person suffer or have the situation continue. I don’t know why that still is the case, but it is. It’s a stark reminder that I am still a work in progress.

I don’t know how many times I have heard members in the AA Fellowship talk about how they simply didn’t know what really happened when they got sober – and, yes, that includes me. They meet someone (a now-sober friend, usually) who’s in the Fellowship. What brought them together? Don’t know. They pick up the phone and call a clinic, a friend, an acquaintance. Why? They’re not sure.  They feel good about it, though, and for some reason (also unexplained) they don’t drink for a night, or a day, or an afternoon. Why? Don’t know. But they end up in an AA meeting or a rehab unsure exactly how they got there. But they’re on their way. What happened and how we explain it or not doesn’t matter.

For me, responding to this unexplained willingness is the key that unlocked all these doors. I believe all these “not-sures,” “can’t-explain-its,” or “have-no-ideas” is our Higher Power working behind the scenes conceiving hope and willingness. Voila, a transformed life is being born. It is now the Advent season for Christians. This thought of a new-born life is very close to explaining what the Christmas message means to me.

Although these messages are mostly for me, thanks for listening. As always – feel free to forward this message to your friends, family, and those accompanying you on your spiritual journey.

Don

#1 December, 2012

Copyright, 2012